Vientienne via the bottom of a river.

So, leaving the girls behind, we decide to take a kayak trip to the capital to break up the journey a bit.  Once transferred to the river we make our first mistake; pairing the Watts brothers together.  It’s a very short period of time until the arguments start and quickly progress into paddle jousting.  This is in turn shortly followed by Alex and I mounting a rescue mission for Chris as Sam happily pilots his hotrod-esque kayak blissfully unaware of the amount of water his seating position is causing the kayak to take on.Our second mistake of the day is thinking we were remotely coordinated enough to negotiate a rather substantial rapid successfully.  After bouncing off the riverbed I end up 20m downstream flailing about like a lunatic.  After bouncing off the kayak Alex ends up £300 worth of prescription sunglasses worse off.  I wasn’t to see him that upset again until Cambodia.....
All in all we survive (Big Chris just barely after insisting on taking a one man kayak) and are looking forward to our luxury coach ride to Vientienne.  Unfortunately we are told that the driver has managed to get himself lost.  Seeing as there are only about five roads in the entire of Laos I am a little skeptical that any such coach ever existed.  We are promptly bundled aboard a local truck cum bus cum death trap.  With the space obviously designed for your average Laonese/Laonite/Laoation or whatever, four of us sit with our left ears firmly attached to our shoulders whilst Big Chris’ knees take on the role of ear muffs.  This continues for 3 1/2 long hours as we pick up and drop off numerous and often quite amused locals.  Eventually we arrive in Vientienne.  We spend about an hour wandering around in search of digs (not easy) and about 5 seconds in search of alcohol. 241 cocktails! Oh Really?! (thought of you Roto!) We meet Laura and the Swedes, all the men order exceptionally girly drinks and we try to mentally prepare ourselves for the next leg of our trip.
Unfortunately, nothing could prepare us for the bus ride from hell.  26 Hours! Straight!  the driver got a 4 hr break for which we had to stay on the bus!  The seats reclined approximately 0.04mm.  The aisle was stacked high with rice meaning your exit strategy was quite like the vent scene in Mission Impossible.  The air-con had the same effect as a fat kid hyperventilating in my face and they played karaoke!  Karaoke is bad at the bet of times but when it’s Asian pop music...urgh.  Now generalising statements can be dangerous especially when applied to a race or country but it’s unavoidable; from everything I’ve heard around SE Asia I can safely say their pop music reaches new heights of ear torturing, vomit inducing, why are you dressed as a new romantic shite.  I would rather eat Westlife cd’s to get my dose of pop poison.  And then the guy behind me starts singing along!  You BASTARD!  There’s only one thing for it; I take enough valium to kill a baby rhino and hey presto! GOOOOD MORNNING VIETNAAAAAAAAAAAM!! (Sorry, had to be done.)